The Goodness of God

“I will sing of the goodness of God. All my life you have been faithful. All my life you have been so so good.”

Your goodness is running after me. "El Roi” the God who see me. The God that is personal and intimate, the one who hears my cry and the one who knows me by name. You are leading us by the hand through the waves of the storm. You have been present in the loneliest moments. You have been my comfort in the heartache of brokenness and the joy of the celebrations. You have never left or forgotten us. Thank you, Lord!

This summer I remember wrestling feeling so distant and far away, distracted, and not able to hear or feel the Lord’s presence. I was so fixated on the worry of the unknown situation and stress of all the unexpected, I was relying on my own strength and lost sight of trusting the Lord. In Matthew 8: 23- 27 the disciples where on the lake with Jesus when suddenly a furious storm came up; waves and wind rocked the boat. The disciples begin to be overtaken with fear because their focus was on the storm. Then Jesus wakes and rebukes the storm and it became completely calm. “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?”

He has been present the entire time of this whole process, but I shifted my focus to the storm of unknowns.  I sat on my porch with a friend and cried out to the Lord. "Oh Lord, I just want to sit in your presence and feel your nearness; I want to get caught up in this moment and sit at your feet!" In that moment all that he had been preparing me for rushed back as I cried out.

This last year he had been preparing me for what was to come and to “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him” (Psalms 37:7). He had a season of stillness, rest, and less distraction to be ready for the journey ahead. Instead of me sitting still in those moments I quickly busied myself with tasks and noise until I hit a wall of wind and waves.

On my porch that summer evening he silenced the fear of the storm. Remember child you walk by faith not by sight. January of 2025 by God’s grace we celebrated our 20^th wedding anniversary, during that get away stay the Lord had whispered Jehovah Jireh (the Lord provides) and El Roi (the God who see me) three separate times to me.  This is something I had tucked away in my heart. As we were preparing to leave the morning of our doctor’s appointment our phones buzzed with a prayer from a friend. “El Roi, allow my sister to sense and know your presence…You are the God who sees her and knows her intimately. She can trust your goodness.” As I silently read this message tears of comfort flowed down my cheeks. The Spirit of the Lord used the obedience of a friend to affirm and remind me of what only the Spirit whispered to me seven months earlier.   That prayer hushed the wind and waves of fear. I was confident that the Lord sees us, and he will provide all things we need to just walk courageously.

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the acknowledgement of fear, and making the choice to move even when it is challenging.

With confident peace we drove into Dallas to our appointment with an overcast drizzly day to receive heavy news of cancer diagnoses but walked out with the warm rays of the sun on our skin. It was as if the Lord was crying with us and then giving us a hug for comfort.

As the first weeks of treatments progressed it was like we were unwrapping a beautiful gift. The affirmation placed before us that he is with us and near; from the bumper sticker in the parking garage that said El Roi, to the conversations with strangers, to the love and encouragement of our medical teams, to even a new friend walking me across to the ER after Archie had an allergic reaction to his chemo. The Lord has been so intimate with caring for us in this journey. He is so gracious.

An event in our life that could be so negative and filled with sadness has unfolded to be wrapped in courageous peace and joy. There have been many treasures to remind me of our beginning together and how he has been at work restoring and revealing to us the depth of our vows in an entirely new light. Our vows that were just words being said because of tradition are now being lived out to a fullness we haven’t experienced until today. 

We are not walking this journey alone as we did 20 years ago; we have his Word, his Spirit, and his people. The Lord is using this hardship, this suffering to refine us and to share his story with others. “Child you are not alone. This journey will be hard. There will be moments that are overwhelming, scary, and confusing. But I will see you through.”

“Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that though your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance” (Philippians 1:19).